Me

Well, I haven't traveled too many places, haven't written a book, haven't designed anything, haven't yet discovered my talent, or haven't been the best dressed.
I haven't gotten married, had children, or owned my own house yet.
Here is what I am though:
*I can entertain and teach five year old children for 180 days a year for 7 hours a day, five days a week.
*I can keep parents happy and can make them at least think I really am checking on each bite their child has taken during lunch. (This was a real request)
*I am the head coach of 15 3rd-5th grade girls for a 12 week program, giving my time for an hour and half two afternoons a week...no extra pay included.
*I am one of the trainers at my school for a nationwide program being implemented in our school systems next year.
*I am a runner...well, a jogger.
*I am a reader.
*I am a dog owner to a energetic, loving Pattie girl.
*I am a friend, a listener, a shoulder to cry on for others.
*When you get me alone or in a small group, I can be quite the talker. In larger groups, I become quite the listener.
*I have loving parents who don't always get the credit they deserve from others.
*I have a supportive and loving big brother who I still look up to.
*I was blessed with patience.
*I love listening to music.
*I have a nephew and niece that I just adore. Yes, they can be loud at times or sometimes shy, but isn't that what a kid is supposed to be? Having fun often times is shown by laughing, talking, and playing loudly. Even the loudest children in my class become quite and shy when meeting new people. It's normal.
*I have a wonderful sister-in-law. Some people never talk to theirs or can't stand each other. At least we like each other!
*I love mowing the grass (most of the time)
*I love flowers..planting them, pulling weeds, etc.
*I am blessed to have a loving extended family.
*I am blessed to be healthy.
*Others tell me I am always positive, always smiling. I don't always feel that way, but I'll take it!
*I am still searching for my place in life.
*I wish I did more with my life: sew, knit, play the guitar,taught myself new things...
*And yes, sometimes I can be down right lazy!

But, it's me. It's who I am. I didn't write this for sympathy or empathy. I didn't write this so others could see what I do with my life and how busy I am or not busy I am.
I wrote this because it's me. It's time to get real. Life is not always rainbows and flowers. I am tired of feeling inadequate. I am tired of feeling lost. I am 33 years old, fast approaching 34, and I am searching. A friend at school once told me to "put it out in the universe. Write it down and send it out." I thought she was a crazy old hippie. That was three years ago, and I think the time has come for me to express my thoughts. The only bad could be people might think I'm crazier than they first thought!
I suppose one is always searching in life. Always wondering what the next step will be. Well, I'm ready to wonder what the next step will be with a more positive attitude. I'm ready to at least feel adequate with my life. So, here I am! Now it's time to smile with each step of the way. Maybe the right man will come along and we'll have that American dream of a cute little house, with cute little kids, and our cute little white picket fence. Maybe I will find that cute little house and live alone, but I need to be okay with that. I'm ready to be okay with that...so here is my smile!
**I really am not depressed. I just think it's at least five years of worrying. Probably worrying over nothing!